Is it ever ok to walk away?

Firstly....blimey!! I cannot believe that my last blog post was in March!! That seems insane! Such a lot has happened since then, and it would take several blog posts to give all the details.

The inspiration for writing this blog was actually a departure from another form of social media - Twitter. I had taken a month or so off as I was struggling to maintain a professional lid on my rage over my current job. The rage has not subsided, in fact its probably got worse....but I'm now starting to see the ill effects it is having on my life, health and relationships.

My stress and frustration mainly comes from ambiguity, lack of direction, lack of feedback and a frequently absent line manager who feels the need to micro manage. All of these things would be manageable if you didn't add on top of that a lack of development opportunity, a refusal to even discuss pay, training or funding for training and monthly performance reviews that are constantly rescheduled and then eventually cancelled at the last minute.

I am swimming through a foggy pool of mud that seems to be swallowing up my passion, motivation and memory of why I moved into HR in the first place. So my option would be to surely speak to my line manager about this, and explain how I am feeling with the hope of finding a resolution.....didn't work! In fact, had the opposite effect of now I am being excluded and my requests for clarification are escalated to make them appear to be a lack of intelligence or inability to do my job.

Ok...I know how this works...I advise on it all the time. If that doesn't work then the next step is to speak to my line manager's boss and clearly show I have followed the appropriate channels. Now, that line manager happens to be the MD....but that doesn't faze me. What fazes me is that I have been down this road before...with my last boss! I don't want to be known as the 'girl who cant be managed'.

So after 17 months in a job that hasn't moved anywhere, that is increasingly making me feel anxious, stressed, under valued and questioning of my own ability should I walk away? Should I hold my hands up and say 'enough is enough'!

What's stopping me from doing that......explaining to my next boss! Or in my next interview. What would you think if you interviewed a HR professional who wasn't able to sort out an internal team issue? We are the masters of mediation, the gurus of resolution...the all knowing and knowledgeable! If we cant fix it....then who can!

Patience young grasshopper!!!!

So....one of my major development areas is my lack of patience...I get easily frustrated and constantly have to tell myself to slow down!! I'm so much better than I was a few years ago, and when dealing with others I've often give myself a little pat on the back for holding it in ;-)

But one thing I cant seem to be patient about is my career progression, and its something which frustrates and confused me almost on a daily basis.

Every company has its own way of running HR, and will structure its department in whichever way fits its model the best; so it is hard sometimes to benchmark yourself against others in the profession with, say, the same job title as you. Am I operating at the right level for a HR Advisor? Or am I operating above it, and really should be a HR Manager?? I don't know!!

Its unfortunate that I haven't had a stable line manager for a year now, and therefore haven't really had any HR guidance or development. I have taken opportunities where I can to gain feedback from colleagues; and I have even taken the time to speak to other HR Profs in my local area to try and benchmark myself. Unfortunately their feedback has been a mixed bag of complimenting me on my passion, my ability to engage and my knowledge around recruitment....to picking out obvious gaps in my practical experience.

So how do you know when you are ready for the next step? I have taken all the component parts on the CIPD professional map and all its telling me is that I have chosen Level 2 as my current operating level and the majority of my answers are at Level 3....but that's self assessment?!?!?

As you can probably tell, I am confused and slightly baffled by what my next step should be. I am looking forward to my new boss starting on the 14th, and I am hoping that she will take a vested interest and help me figure out my next steps. But if not, I need to take accountability for my career, and my progression within HR......once I have figured out what that is......

Inspiration

Getting through life sometimes can feel like an uphill struggle. We face things on a daily basis that test our mental, physical and emotional strength. We all have our different ways of coping...but I bet all of us have that special someone, that special something that we return to in order to gain inspiration and regain our strength.

I would not have made it through the past two months without the help of my trusty collection of cheesy CD's that I have played FULL BLAST on my way into work, and when things were getting tough I would go for a drive at lunch time just to blast out a power ballad to remind myself that I am strong, I am supported and also...to remind myself how to smile.

I found this powerpoint slide the other day (image above) that I used to have as my screen saver a couple of years ago. It contained all the things that at the time were my inspiration, the things I was either striving to acheive or gain...or the things that bought me happiness and joy. The fuzzy man in the bottom right hand corner is actually my Dad...my true inspiration. He never pulls any punches with me, he actually has a love/hate relationship with HR so we have fierce debates on a regular basis. But I have always been amazed by how he remains credible, full of integrity and has never let pride get in the way of doing what needed to be done.

The other stuff....well....it would be lovely to own an Aston Martin, but what I really cherish right now, and what inpsires me daily is just the feeling of being happy, at peace, and secure in myself.

What gets you through the day? How have your inspirations changed over the years?

The pull of community

Why do we tweet? Simple question....but I don't think a simple answer. I've discussed this with a few people recently, some who are twitter fans, some who just don't get it, and some who are wary of it but really want to give it a go.

I personally don't see the point in being on twitter purely to follow celebrities....their life's have no relevance to mine, and although I love a good bit of gossip I really don't give two hoots if Brittany has just seen some AWESOME shoes, or if Katie Price is just being a prized wally again!!

I was lucky that I stumbled across an amazing community of people, who are like minded and all work within a similar field to me. This was helped by the almighty force that is TheHRD, and the wonder of the ConnectingHR group but I hope I sustained my place by being honest, and exchanging the odd witticisms or two.

But I am not a naturally outgoing person, and definitely not one for large groups. Sometimes I sit watching the twitter feed and it reminds me of parties I used to go to where I would just sit in the corner and stare at everyone; wishing I could be like them....and just strike up conversations with strangers. But I've found that it's ok to be like that....and so I feel able to carry on tweeting my inane takes on life, and dip in to others conversations whenever I feel comfortable to.

And that's what I've come to really love and appreciate about Twitter. It builds communities of people that might not have ever met, and we all fall into our roles within the group, and it just works.

I have no powerful insight to share; just that Twitter is just a collection of life forces...who if thrown together in real life would probably act the same. But because we all live such 'busy' life's we sometimes forget we can be part of communities if we wish to, we can interact with strangers and make great connections if we wish to. Twitter just enables that in a very easy and safe way.

Generalist vs Specialist

So...sanity has returned and we can now get on with life as normal! I'm not saying another outburst wont occur, but for this moment all is well and I have something else to discuss with you.

Do we stay general or do we specialise? I'm going to be honest and upfront and say I'm not a fan of the business partner model. I never really got the point as I didn't see how the system needed fixing. So I'm ignoring that as an option.

My very lovely sister in law is currently working for a major corporate, within their L&D department as an administrator. She asked me the other day whether I thought she should stay put and focus on L&D or use her skills to move into a more general HR role, and learn the whole gambit.

I love being a generalist, I love having my fingers in all pies, I love knowing whats going on. I also like having the ability to directly affect peoples lives and see it happening. But yet...I am tempted by the lure of specialising, I have a real interest in employee engagement, and ER.

To my lovely readers...to those who have specialised, and those who have not - perhaps you could give me your reasons why....and why not. It might help me, but more importantly a newbie to the HR world.

Brand? What brand?

I feel like a fraud.....there.....I've said it.

I had an amazing response to my blog post written on Friday; and I was very proud of myself for writing it without making it into a rant. I've had some wonderful comments about how positive I'm appearing, how professional I've acted....I've even had the word inspirational attached to me!!!

The truth is......I drive into work every day feeling sick, sweating, dreading walking to my HR office and having to face someone who has made me feel useless for the past three months.

I sought advice from several angles on how I should deal with this, and took some action on Monday. This action involved a strongly worded email to the offending boss; detailing how she had made me feel, examples of when she had done it and basically my refusal to allow her to 'appraise' me without prior knowledge of how she was planning on doing this in a balanced way given her previous behaviour.

Now.....the response I received (as expected) was one of denial, an accusation of me being ill informed, confused and the accusation that I don't want to progress in my career - hence why I have 'refused' to have a performance review with her.

I only have to deal with this person for 7 more days.....but....then comes my new boss. And this is where my current dilemma comes into play. Do I tell them what has happened over the past three months? Do I protect myself and withhold my trust of them? Do I act like nothing has happened and see if they bring anything up?

How do I protect my personal brand? I didn't even know I had one until someone pointed it out to me. The idea of someone judging me for wanting to be treated fairly never entered my mind. Am I naive? Will I come across as awkward and hard to manage?

I am now not only anxious about dealing with a boss who is in complete denial about how they have treated me, I am now anxious about a boss I have never even dealt with!

Once of my favourite Twitter pals wrote about confidence this week, and how important it is in HR. But what happens if you've lost it?

Let me count the ways......

I am a lucky person that I am in a loving relationship; which has been bought to my attention more so as tomorrow is Valentines Day.

I love being in love, and I would never want to go back to being single. Not because I hate the idea of being alone, or cannot live without him....but because I don't think anyone else would put with me!!!

Here is a list of things that despite being true....my husband still loves me!!

• Up until a few years ago I thought Motown was a real place

• I mistakenly thought Mr T had proclaimed "I ain't eating no plane food" and my husband didn't wet himself as he should have when I loudly exclaimed this on a flight to a flight attendant offering me a soggy sandwich...thinking I was being incredibly funny

•  I have an issue with baked beans...I don't like them touching other things on my plate. My wonderful husband now serves up my dinner putting the offending items into a ramekin; allowing me to dip as I wish

• When I get home from work I don't like to talk for at least 15 minutes

• I still need to get my Dad's approval before making any major decisions - especially when it comes to my car!

•  I'm a HR Pro...and ask the difficult questions he doesn't really want to have to answer

Despite all this (and much much more) he still thinks I'm beautiful, he still makes me laugh everyday, he amazes me with his understanding of me, and hes still here!

So...just for one small moment I am going to wallow in my smugness.....